Well, after around two weeks or so it would seem that I’ve already broken my promise to keep a steady string of blog posts coming. Or would it? The answer is yes….and no…maybe? Much like all the swirling aspects of life, especially mine at this point, things are more complicated below the surface.
A recent scare, of a C-variety, led me to a doctor’s office, a test, and then the possibility of other reasons as to why I’d be so sick. I had to quarantine for five whole days put me strange fugue comprised of awareness dulling meds and stress stemming from the personal along with not being able to work for a week due to self-isolation. The most idealistic of creatives would think this would be ample time to get to writing, drawing, music, expanding any skillset I was warned not to invest in.
You’d think that, but that’s not what happened.
My brain was damn wreck, and my body felt worse. Time was spent in bed in a weird half-sleep, half-stupor, where I stared up at the ceiling after downing some disgusting meds, or just out and out in a coma. When I could be up and doing, I was managing the facets of life that couldn’t, nor should be, stopped. I helped those who needed and tried to do what I could for the holidays in the limited capacity given (I couldn’t leave the house!). Stress didn’t help matters. That gnawing, almost Lovecraftian level of dread that came with losing a week’s worth of income, was grating at the very least. When I felt like I could write, it was when my mind was clear enough to also worry. The holidays were approaching! Everything shaved away at my mental state.
Then five days later or so, I was good. I got a much needed negative on a brain tickling test, and finished my meds for what turned out to be a bad bacterial infection. So, I was back and good to go, right?
Again, the most idealistic would think that…
I was a week behind on work and couldn’t make up the losses. My body was still processing the meds that left me fatigued and tired almost all the time. Combined that plus the always perpetual state of the world around me. Nothing stops, even when you’re frozen dead in your tracks.
Some people think the creative mind works better while in a downward state. Coming from where I was, I definitely can attest that as untrue. Things work better when the brain is taken care of and the reality of things are of a more amiable state. I wanted to write and work on myself while things were stalled, but how could I when basic necessities stopped completely? I just couldn’t.
At the very least, now I’m back on track and trying to get my regimen together. One manuscript and an outline desperately need worked. My digital art needs constant care. There are other things that I need to do, in and out of my creative sphere.
I’m regaining my energy along with a more positive outlook again. Those I find, are the better ingredients for creative growth.